Volcanic Reaction

You will not be surprised that the Department has been working night and day to find an answer to the crisis caused by Icelandic volcano Eyjafjallajökull erupting suddenly and preventing half a million British citizens returning to their rightful abode.

The reason for this is nothing to do with the fact that most of them are not needed anyway, but that aircraft are unable to fly at a sufficient altitude to avoid the clouds of volcanic ash spewed out by the said volcano.

Well, we have an answer.

Send out ships

At our suggestion, what is left of the Royal Navy is steaming to the aid of our citizens in such far away places as France and Spain. They are being brought back, whether they want it or not, layered below decks, and scourged where appropriate with the cat.

The three ships sent can each manage 600 evacuees, and this means that only around 800 journeys will be needed, so in around three years, the job will be done.

We are terribly proud to have been entrusted with the management of this project. We know that anxiously awaiting wives, children and parents will be waiting for their loved ones. Some will even care about them.

We will bring them back.